A Borrowed Peace
by Tirsh
Summary: Daddy!Sam indulges in a little baby therapy after a tough call. set post slow burn - no spoilers - stands alone but takes place in the same universe as my other story Robots Dingoes and Frogs, Oh My! ***Chapter 2 updated*** The day after, more baby therapy, a trip to the zoo with a side of Nat and Spike
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Something a little different for me and for Daddy!Sam. My thing is fluffy dialogue so I feel kind of like a poser doing angst but this little nugget of an idea just wouldn't leave me alone so it had to be written. It stands on its own but it occurs in the same universe as my other stories - it may make more sense if you've read those first. It didn't really fit tone-wise to be included as a chapter in Robots Dingoes and Frogs so decided to post it as a one-shot instead. Would love to know what you think! **

Disclaimer: As always not mine, except Froggie.

A Borrowed Peace

"Well, baby girl, I don't think daddy is going to be home on time today," Jules bounced her daughter on her lap, her cheerful tone in complete contrast to the stress she was feeling and the scene unfolding before her on the news, "especially since his shift was officially over two hours ago and they are still on the scene." She had the TV on mute as she didn't want JJ to pick up on anything amiss, but it didn't matter - she knew from being on the other side of things that the press rarely had the details right anyway. The facts she had cobbled together though between her trained eye and her inside source did not add up to anything good. An elementary school, a bully, assorted staff, and a desperate dad who just wanted them all to understand how they had failed his son.

After a few bumpy days at the beginning of her maternity leave she and Sam had come to an agreement. He would not call or text her during a call. Ever. If she knew for sure he wouldn't, then she didn't ever have to think about why he wasn't. She and Spike had a different agreement though, one that Sam was unaware of so far. From his frequent position in the truck, he fed her whatever tidbits he could whenever he could. So today, she knew they had been on scene for hours and the negotiations were rocky, up and down and unpredictable.

When the news camera had panned wide, she had spotted Sam on a rooftop across the field on the other side of the street. She knew he was physically safe today but there was a reason the phrase was "safe and sound" – they were two different things. Ed had also found a sniper perch but although he was closer, Jules could tell he had a lousy angle. She was positive that for now, Sam was Sierra one and if he had to take this particular shot, "sound" was going to be harder to come by.

The other thing she knew for sure was that there wasn't a thing she could do to help her husband or her team from her spot on the couch so she turned off the TV and propping JJ on her hip headed for the kitchen to check on dinner.

Hours later, she had just finished putting JJ down for the night when she got a quick text from Spike. "Team is safe. Sam's with SIU. Going to be a long one – don't wait up."

It was well after midnight when he finally slipped quietly through the front door, exhausted, relieved, but more than anything anxious to put the day's events behind him in whatever way he could manage. He toed off his shoes, hung up his jacket and headed for the kitchen where Jules had the left the stovetop light on for him and a note on the counter. "We missed you at supper. Chili in the fridge if you're hungry," it said in her familiar scrawl, the new signature prompting a small smile. Her traditional xox was followed by a J with a small raised 3. J cubed for his two girls. He folded the note carefully and tucked it in his wallet with the others he'd saved. He opened the fridge and stared at the pot. He _was_ hungry, had in fact, been starving on the way home but the thought of eating anything now, even his favourite chili, made his stomach roll over in protest. So he closed the fridge, turned off the light and shuffled up the stairs.

He made his way to the guest bathroom at the end of the hall and was so distracted by his thoughts that he had already turned on the water and stripped down to his socks before he saw what Jules had done. Neatly folded on the counter were a big fluffy bath towel, a pair of pajama pants and his oldest, softest, most comfortable t-shirt – the one he usually had to fight her for at bedtime. She knew him so well he thought as he pulled off his socks. Knew that he would be so anxious to get home after going a few rounds with SIU that he would not stop to shower at HQ. Knew that he would opt for the guest bathroom over the ensuite so he wouldn't wake her up. Knew that he would be so in his head that he would forget he needed something to put on after until he turned the water off and stood there dripping trying to get the job done with a small hand towel.

He turned the water up as hot as he could stand it and stood under the pounding spray. There was no actual blood on him to wash away tonight – he'd taken the fatal shot from almost 200 yards away – but remaining focused and nearly motionless for hours on end took its own physical toll. The pulsing water would help but he was still going to feel this one all over tomorrow. Given the choice he would happily take the physical pain over the mental anguish every time. Unfortunately, there was plenty of both and plenty of metaphorical blood to go around this time.

A certain amount of compartmentalization was required to be able to do his job – he told himself all kinds of things to justify taking another person's life. Drug dealers, gun runners, enemy combatants, sexual predators, generally bad guys who preyed on good people – truth be told he didn't really sweat their blood on his hands too much – they made their choices. Then there were the calls in which taking one life meant saving many, the details and intricacies of the case sometimes made it difficult but ultimately he could make the math work in his head. But calls like this one – when he had to shoot a good decent guy trying to stand up for his kid to save the life of the person that pushed him to the edge in the first place?

It was so close too, the boss had almost had him. Sarge was standing far enough away from the subject that Sam could really only hear his side of the negotiations through the comm. He knew that was probably a good thing, after hearing part of the transcripts with SIU, he wasn't entirely sure he could have pulled the trigger when the time came if he had heard it all. But, after hours of negotiation where it honestly looked like it could go either way, the gun was down and he was about to hand it over and then that stupid – punk kid – the bully that had started this terrible chain of events picked that moment to mouth off and the gun had come up and Sarge made the call. Nobody could read a subject better than the boss so Sam knew if he made the call it was because there was no other choice but how was he supposed to make sense of that? Did he even want to? What did it say about him as a person if he could somehow make that make sense? He still didn't have any answers to those questions when the water started to run cold.

He stopped in the doorway of the master bedroom, leaning against the door jam, soothed by the even rise and fall of Jules' peaceful slumber. Even in his absence she slept closer to the middle than to her side of the bed, her arm flung over the spot where he could usually be found. He knew from experience that he need only crawl into bed beside her and she would turn to him and willingly offer up whatever he needed; an ear, a shoulder, a touch, a place to lose himself. Tonight he had somewhere else he needed to go first so he pushed himself away from the door frame and continued down the hallway.

He padded silently into the nursery and turned off the monitor so that he wouldn't wake Jules if he inadvertently woke the baby. He laughed softly to himself as he peered into her crib. Now that she was getting a bit stronger and had figured out the mechanics of flipping over, no matter how they laid her down at bedtime, true to her nickname she would inevitably revert to her favourite position on her stomach, arms tucked in close, feet out to the side, bum up in the air. His precious little tree frog.

Realizing quickly that just watching her sleep wasn't going to bring him what he was looking for tonight, he reached in and carefully plucked her out of her crib, offering up silent note of apology to his wife as he did so. He was not supposed to "mess" with her when she was sleeping but he was sure that tonight Jules would understand. He wasn't as sure she would understand if she really knew just how often he did it, but tonight he was certain that it would be okay. He lowered himself slowly into the glider rocker and settled her against his chest, her little head resting on his shoulder. She fussed for a moment without really waking up but then, realizing she was safe and secure in familiar arms, settled right back down again and snuggled in even closer.

She was so peaceful, so content, so blissfully unaware of anything beyond the confines of her safe haven. He so envied her that peace, thought perhaps if he could absorb it or somehow borrow some of it, it would keep him sane until he could find his way back to his own peace – with each soothing brush of his hand down her back and little warm puff of her sweet baby's breath on the side of his neck, he got just a little bit closer.

Jules wasn't sure what woke her a while later but she was a little surprised to find the other side of the bed still empty. Looking at the clock on the bedside table she figured Sam had to be home by now. Acting on a hunch, she grabbed the quilt off the end of the bed and padded down the hall to the nursery. Happy to see Sam getting some sleep in whatever way he could, she tucked the blanket around both of them and pressed a soft kiss to his temple before turning the monitor back on and slipping out of the room.

**A/N 2: Happy Birthday Liz – I know you prefer your Sam with a healthy dose of fluff instead but this was the only thing I had in the works – at least I didn't put a bullet in him **


	2. Keeping the Peace

**A/N: So I hadn't intended to write a follow up chapter to this but there was a small morning after scene in the nursery that just wouldn't leave me alone … and it somehow turned into a 6000 word trip to the zoo. My muse is downright annoying sometimes. Also I have never been to the Toronto Zoo and you can only get so much from the map – so in parts my favourite zoo stood in for some details. Anyway I moved it to M just because of some adult themes but it's a pretty soft borderline M. Hope you like it. **

Disclaimer: Not mine, except Froggie.

Keeping the Peace

Early the next morning, Jules was woken by soft mewling cries and Sam's sleepy whispered words of reassurance coming through the monitor on the nightstand. She debated rushing in so Sam could go back to sleep but decided he would probably prefer a few minutes alone with JJ before she took over for her feeding. So, instead she washed her face and brushed her teeth in an effort to wake herself up a little bit before heading down the hall to the nursery. Sam was standing at the change table just doing up the last couple of snaps on a fresh sleeper when she slipped up behind him, looping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his back. "Morning."

"Morning," he briefly covered both of her hands on his stomach with one of his own. "She's clean and dry, I guess the rest is up to you," he said a little reluctantly as he scooped JJ up off the change table and turned around in the circle of Jules' arms.

"Do you want to feed her?" She asked as the baby sucked contentedly on her little fist.

"Nah, as much as I'd like to, if I give her a bottle now then you'll have to pump. That seems like a terrible way to start the day."

"It kind of is," she smiled, relieved he had refused her offer, "but if there is one thing we know for sure about our daughter, it's that she will be hungry again in three hours."

"Well then I call dibs on that feeding," he planted a quick kiss on JJ's little bald head.

"How's your back this morning?" she nodded toward the glider rocker.

He shrugged, "Oh you know, feels a bit like I slept in a chair."

"I bet," she replied, knowing that wasn't even the half of it but that he wouldn't mention the rest, "but at least you slept," she laid her hand on his scruffy cheek.

"I did. Thanks," he said softly, "for looking after me last night," he lifted her hand with his own and placed a soft kiss on her palm.

"Tough one with SIU?" she looked in his eyes, knowing they would tell her more than he would.

He sighed heavily, "Just a brutal call all the way around."

"You want to talk about it?" she worried her bottom lip with her teeth.

"Not really," Sam shook his head slowly, "Holleran is going to make us all talk to Luria on Monday." The tone of his voice said everything she needed to know about how he felt about that, but she was secretly relieved that he would have to talk to someone.

Now, unsatisfied with her fist, JJ let out a wail as she leaned away from Sam toward Jules and her magic milk supply. "I guess that's my cue," she laughed as she plucked her out of his arms. She stretched up to give him a tender kiss on the lips, "You still look sleepy. Why don't you go get some real sleep in our bed?"

"Maybe I'll nap when she naps but right now I'm starving. I'm going to go make us some breakfast."

"Will there be bacon? I'm asking for a friend," she grinned as she settled in the glider with JJ.

"Tell your 'friend' I'll see what I can do," he chuckled to himself as he headed downstairs to the kitchen.

As he busied himself putting breakfast together he thought, not for the first time in the last 12 hours, how lucky he was to have Jules, to have someone who understood so completely what he had been through, what he was still trying to process. When she asked him if he wanted to talk about it, she had known the answer would be 'no' – asking was her way of letting him know that if he changed his mind she was ready and willing to listen. He knew that would be the end of it too – she wouldn't ask again, she wouldn't take it personally, she wouldn't read anything into his silence or be hurt by it. If he needed her close by she would be there but if he needed space she would provide it for him. And most importantly if he should fall apart – she would help put him back together.

He had everything just about ready and was pulling the bacon out of the oven when he heard JJ's happy little squeal coming from the stairwell. "I know, right?" Jules answered her playfully as they came around the corner into the kitchen, "Daddy has been a busy boy while you were having your breakfast. Something smells delicious down here. "

Sam pulled a couple of plates out of the cupboard and started dishing up as Jules dug out some cutlery and carried it over to the table. "Any idea how many pieces of bacon your 'friend' might want?" he shot her a cheeky smile.

"Two, maybe three," she said as she put JJ's bouncy chair on a mat in the middle of the table and settled her in it so she could hang out while they ate.

Sam tossed four pieces on her plate between her fresh fruit and scrambled eggs, "Put one on there for you too – just in case." He carried the plates over to the table and returned to the counter just as the toast popped. He buttered it quickly and put it all on a smaller plate before joining Jules at the table.

"This is quite a spread."

Sam shrugged, "Told you I was starving." He slathered a piece of toast with strawberry jam before taking a large bite.

"You eat anything at all last night?"

"No. Thought about it but I took a shower and went to bed instead. Well, sort of. Did you talk to Spike at all last night?"

"Only for a minute or two. After he texted me to let me know you were in with SIU, I called him to check in but he kind of blew me off," she shrugged, understanding, "clearly not in the mood to chat."

"Not really like him to not talk to you, though. Think maybe this one hit a little close to home for him – he was pretty quiet after," his voice was casual but Jules could see the worry in his eyes.

"Thinking maybe he was bullied as a kid?" she asked as she nibbled on a piece of bacon.

He slumped back in his chair and sighed heavily, "I don't know Jules. He's never said anything, but awkward goofy kid who's like ten times smarter than every other kid in his class? Put that together with how he gets after these kinds of calls and it's not exactly a colossal leap of logic for anyone who's ever done time in junior high, you know?"

She nodded, "Yeah, not the first time I've wondered about that myself. I mean he's such a… puppy even now – can you imagine what he must have been like at 12 or 13?"

"Yeah. Might as well have had a kick me sign stuck on his back." They lapsed into a comfortable silence as they finished eating, each of them lost in thought.

As Sam got up from the table to take their plates to the dishwasher he asked, "What do you think about getting out of here today? Doing something fun?"

"Sure. What'd you have in mind?" Just over a year ago, pre pregnancy, nap times and 3 hour feeding schedules, a day like today, when the walls were closing in and they both had some extra energy to burn off, would have been a day when they'd have found a mountain bike trail somewhere or gone hiking or maybe headed up to Rattlesnake to do some rock climbing. Their new reality called for a different plan.

"How about the zoo?"

"JJ will love it. Well, she's probably too little to care about most of it but you'll love showing it to her anyway," she grinned at him. "It's a nice day, should we pack a picnic?"

"Sounds good," he thought for a minute before saying, "Do you want to invite Spike and Nat?"

"Do _you_?" she asked, surprised. She'd have thought his cheerful, chatty sister would be the last person he'd want to voluntarily spend time with in his current state of mind.

"I really don't. But I also don't want to be called as a witness for the defense because we left Spike alone with my sister all day," he gave her a small half smile as she crossed over to him and into his arms.

"You're a good man, Sam," she reached up to thread her fingers through the soft short hair at his nape, "I'll text Spike and set it up. Why don't you go get some sleep?" When he looked about to protest, she continued, "You'll need it if you're going to spend the afternoon with Nat. I don't want to be called as a witness for the defense either," she grinned. "We'll clean up down here – now go."

"Okay, okay, I'm going. Thanks," he dropped a kiss on her lips before crossing back to the table to talk to JJ. He held out his pinky finger and she grabbed hold, trying to pull it toward her mouth. "Hey Froggie, did you hear that? We're going to go to the zoo to visit Uncle Spikey's relatives."

"Sam," Jules scolded.

"What? Look me in the eye and tell me you don't think Spike is part spider monkey," he dared her.

"Go. To. Bed."

He laughed, "Mommy's bossy, but she's right as usual. It's naptime for daddy. Be a good girl for mommy. " he bussed her noisily on the cheek prompting a delighted giggle and headed upstairs.

Jules finished cleaning up the kitchen, packed a picnic lunch and played with JJ for a bit before feeding her and putting her down for her morning nap. She flipped on the monitor and padded down the hall. As she stepped through their bedroom door her heart clutched a little as she looked at Sam. He was curled up on his side in a semi-fetal position, his brow furrowed, clearly having a troubled, fitful sleep. She didn't really want to wake him but she also knew from experience that if he slept too long now, he would have a miserable night. Quickly making her decision she slipped into bed beside him, curling up on her side and tucking herself into the curve of his body. Still mostly asleep, he reached for her, his large hand settling on her stomach and pulling her in even closer, his nose finding its way to the crook of her neck and inhaling deeply. She felt him settle and relax into her and soon his deep, even breathing told her he had gone back to sleep. It wasn't long before she joined him.

When he woke her a little while later with soft, searching kisses on her neck it was about asking permission, about seeking solace. And when she turned to him in the circle of his arms, permission granted, and he took her lips with one long, slow, intoxicating kiss after another, it was about how nothing else mattered beyond them, beyond that moment. And when they leisurely removed each other's pajamas it was about transcending barriers, baring themselves, body and soul. And when he stopped in that moment to just look at her, to simply take her in, it was about gratitude, about reverence. And when she showered him with tender touches and gentle all over kisses it was about showing him that he was loved and cherished beyond measure. And when she welcomed him inside her it was about completion, about two wholes making one stronger, more complete, more perfect whole. And when they reached their peak together it was about hope and forgiveness, about redemption and affirmation. And after, when they lay together, replete, it was about comfort and contentment, about surrender and acceptance of the peace that she offered him.

From the moment Spike and Natalie arrived at the Braddock residence to carpool to the zoo, it was clear to Sam and Jules that they were just not on the same page. While they didn't seem angry, there was none of the laughter and easy affection that was the norm for them and while they had plenty to say to everyone else, they didn't appear to have much to say to each other.

"Well this should be fun," Sam said under his breath to Jules.

"Yeah," she answered quietly, "I think what we have here is a failure to communicate."

Fortunately, the awkwardness that filled the car ride to the zoo was elbowed out by everyone's determination to have a good time, and as they moved through the busy exhibits there was little opportunity for real conversation anyway. Much to Sam's dismay, Spike had a plethora of information about every animal and he was determined to share as much of it as he could. At one point when Spike had wandered over to read one of the signs and Natalie was absorbed in taking a picture, Sam leaned over to Jules and said "And I thought it was my sister that was going to drive me crazy?"

"Shh. You know him, it's just how he makes sense of things. Ignore him."

"I'm trying Jules, but there are some things you just can't unknow, you know?"

At the African Savannah exhibit, Sam was chatting with Natalie, "You think they give the zebras some sort of anti-anxiety meds in their food?"

"What?" she looked at him like he was crazy.

"I mean the lions are _right there_ on the other side of the fence. They can see them, surely they can smell them. It's gotta make them jumpy and nervous right? And what about the lions, sitting there all day looking at the food on the other side of the fence? I'm just saying, it doesn't seem quite fair or natural."

"Your daddy's a nutbar," Natalie said to JJ, who was comfortably ensconced in the Baby Bjorn on Sam's chest.

At the spider monkey house, Jules was standing next to Sam, both of them absorbed in the goofball antics of the residents. As she enjoyed their playful exuberance and inquisitive intelligence, he nudged her and nodded his head silently in Spike's direction. On one side of the glass, a juvenile monkey was sitting on a platform trying to figure out a rope and ring puzzle, on the other their friend was building an elaborate arrangement with the colourful rings on JJ's stroller. "Told you," he said, smugly, "cousins."

"I think you might be on to something," she laughed. "And I think maybe we better find a spot to eat soon before she starts squawking at me."

After polishing off lunch, Jules fed JJ and handed her off to Sam for the last burp. "I think I'm going to do a couple of laps around the park to help her get to sleep. You want to keep me company?" she asked Spike.

"Sure," he sent a questioning glance in Natalie's direction and she shrugged and nodded her consent.

As Jules took the baby from Sam she kissed him on the cheek and whispered a reminder in his ear. "Be nice, Sam. None of this is easy for her either."

"Copy that," he replied quietly with a sigh.

Spike took the wheel, so to speak, and Jules walked alongside him as they made their way to the path surrounding the park in the middle of the zoo. Jules knew that Spike was never comfortable with silence for long and that if she kept quiet he wouldn't be able to help himself. Sure enough they hadn't gone ten steps on the path before he blurted, "Does Sam have any idea how lucky he is?"

Jules was taken aback – she wasn't sure what she expected to him to say but it wasn't that. "I believe he does bu-"

"That you get it, I mean. That you understand," he clarified.

"He does. We both do. But it's not all sunshine and lollipops having two SRU officers in the same house. There's something to be said for coming home to somebody who is not burdened by the same shit day you had."

"This is true," Spike nodded, "I guess he really has the best of both worlds while you're on mat leave then."

"Yeah well, he's earned it. Try living with me for ten minutes when you had to shoot somebody because my negotiation failed," she chuckled, "It's not pretty. But we're not talking about me or Sam."

"Nat's pissed at me because I can't talk to her about this one."

"Pissed?" she raised her eyebrows at him, "You need to get out of that truck my friend. Your profiling skills have gone to shit while I've been gone."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine. She's hurt that I can't talk to her about this one."

"That's better."

"And I can't really blame her because I usually do talk to her. I mean not about everything we do but about a lot of it. But this one is just … different. I can't go there."

"It's okay Spike. She can't understand anyway. Nobody can who hasn't been there. Not in any real meaningful way."

"And even if I could, it was Sam. I mean as much as they drive each other crazy – he's her hero, Jules. How could I tell her that he had to shoot a dad in front of his kid to… to save the life of the …vicious punk who… tormented his kid? I can't put _that_ in her head."

"I know," she sympathized, putting her hand on his back as they walked.

"I don't want her to think about any of that, never mind understand it. I _like_ that she's sunny and … uncomplicated," he sounded almost apologetic, "I don't want to …ruin her." He finished weakly. "I _need _her to be those things."

"Then _tell_ her that. She's not hurt because she wants details and you're not giving them to her, Spike. If she's honest with herself, she probably knows that she doesn't really to know. She just wants to listen because she wants to be there for you and that's how she knows how. Without that, she feels helpless."

"So do I!" he raised his voice in frustration and then was almost immediately apologetic as a few heads turned their way. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," she reassured him. "Look she just wants to _do _something, anything, for you. Ask her for what you need."

"And if don't have a clue what that is?"

"Ask her to make cookies for you and you can eat your feelings together," she grinned at him.

"Nice."

"Or instead of just clamming up and hiding in a book," she paused to look at him in question and he nodded because she knew him well, "ask her to give you an hour to yourself. It's not much, but she will feel like she's doing something for you at least. Or whatever – put yourself in her shoes and you'll think of something and next time you come up against one of these calls, she'll just know."

"And you know, I'm always available if you need to talk to someone, right?"

"Yep."

"No, seriously – I'm _always_ available. I live vicariously now," she smiled as she nodded toward the stroller full of a now sleeping baby.

"Copy that," he grinned at her.

As they headed back to the blanket, she playfully threw one arm around him and squeezed his bicep with her other hand, "Start with cookies. At the very least it will keep her busy for an hour or two. Trust me." She winked at him.

"What's up with you and Justice League there?" Sam nodded in the direction Spike and Jules had headed. "You guys seem a little off today."

"He's pissed at me."

"He's not pissed at you, Nat," Sam winced as he stretched out on his back, linking his fingers behind his head.

"He is. He won't talk to me," she sat cross legged up by his head so he could see her and tugged at the grass at the edge of the blanket, pulling it out in little frustrated clumps.

"He's talking to you. He hasn't shut up since we got here."

"Don't be an idiot, Sam. He won't talk to me about yesterday."

"It was tough call, Nat. If it makes you feel any better, I'm not talking to Jules about it either."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Not really. You never talk to anyone about anything. You're a freaking vault. Spike always talks to me. I don't know what I did wrong."

"You didn't _do_ anything. I hate to break it to you, Natalie," he said, not unkindly, "but it's not always about you."

"Well, if somebody could tell me what it _is_ about that would be helpful, because I'll be damned if I can figure it out," she said, equal parts hurt and frustration evident in her voice.

"It's about yesterday sucked, Nat. Sucked hard. And nothing Spike says to you or you say to him is going to make it suck any less. And the very last thing he wants to do is rehash it, or pile on to the guilt he already feels by putting the whole thing in your head too."

"But why does he feel guilty?" she asked, honestly confused. "He doesn't have to sh -" she faltered, "He doesn't have to do what you do."

"Not usually, no. But there's plenty of guilt to go around when a call goes to shit, Nat. If I have to do what I do it's because Sarge made the call, it's because negotiations failed. While Sarge is negotiating, Spike is the one in his ear feeding him information. He's talking to people, he's hacking files and compiling information, he's putting the profile together – trying to make the puzzle make sense so that he can give Sarge what he needs to reach the guy waving the gun around. If I know Spike, he has been over EVERY word of the transcripts in his head over and over again, wondering if there was something that he missed, something that he didn't find soon enough, some little nugget of information that would have made all the difference. And there wasn't – because nobody's better than Spike at what he does – but that doesn't mean he doesn't wish to hell there was. It doesn't mean he doesn't blame himself," he stopped and looked at her, surprised to see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "Aww, Nat. Don't do that," he winced, "And you wonder why he doesn't want to tell you anything."

"Oh please. I cry all the damn time – Spike isn't afraid of my tears," she sniffed.

"Well they freak me the hell out, so just…stop."

"What can I do?"

"I told you – stop crying," he joked.

"Not for you, dumbass," she tossed her latest handful of grass at him, "for Spike. I want to be there for him. I just don't know how when he's like this."

"You can start by accepting what he says at face value –Don't take it personally and don't read anything into it. When he says he doesn't want to talk about it – he doesn't mean he doesn't want to talk about it _with you_. He doesn't mean he doesn't trust you. He doesn't mean he's pissed at you. He doesn't mean anything except that he doesn't want to talk about it. Don't be the person that wants something from him that he can't give right now," she nodded in understanding so he continued, "And you need to realize that just because he doesn't need you to listen, doesn't mean he doesn't need you. You just need to figure out how."

"What does Jules do? God knows you don't need her to listen."

He opened his mouth to tell her all the ways that Jules had been there for him in the last 24 hours; the little ways she had made things easier for him, the more substantial ways she had made him feel loved and cherished, and then he closed it again. All of a sudden, it just seemed so personal, so private, so none of his sister's business that he didn't want to share. "It doesn't matter what she does because I'm not Spike – what he needs may be completely different than what I need. But that might be a question that he _can _answer, you know?"

"When did you get so smart?" she asked smiling at him, her tears gone.

"I've always been smarter than _you,_ Nat." He pushed himself up into a sitting position and looked her in the eye, "You good?"

She nodded, "I'm good."

"Good because your boyfriend's back," he nodded toward Spike and Jules who were now just a few feet away.

"Fiance," she automatically corrected, "You can deny it all you want but we _are_ getting married."

"Whatever," he said dismissively and then raised his voice so Spike could hear him, "Anyway, from now on he will be known as 'He Who Ruined the Zoo Forever.'"

"Ruined the zoo? Pfft." Spike scoffed, "More like enhanced your learning experience."

"Which is exactly my point – I did not come to the zoo to _learn_ or to _think_ – I came to eat ice cream and watch some animal hijinks and dumbassery and get out of my head." Sam said good naturedly, "I did not, under any circumstances, need to know that hippos kill more people in Africa every year than lions."

"Really?" Jules looked incredulous, "How can that be true? They're so docile."

"They're extremely territorial," Spike said warming to his subject, "Actually the only animal that kills more people in Africa than the hippo is the mosquito."

"Huh."Jules and Natalie said together, interested, as Sam buried his face in his hands.

"You people are killing me. Seriously."

"I am a zoo aficionado," Spike joked proudly.

"Is _that _what we're calling it? I had another word in mind," Sam smirked.

"The signs are there for a reason, Sam. I'm just saying."

"That's it – you two are on your own this afternoon." He waved his hand between Spike and Nat, "I am going to enjoy the polar bears in blissful ignorance." He gingerly got to his feet, grimacing a little as he did so.

"Getting old there, Samtastic?"

"I can still kick _your_ ass around the O course. Still over three these days isn't it?" he asked referring to Spike's latest time, as he stretched out his back.

"Pretty sure I could take you today. It's okay though – you're still pretty," It was Spike's turn to smirk.

"Anytime you want to trade your cushy life in the command truck for a rooftop you just let me know. Of course then you'd have to give up the fruit and cheese plates."

"Cheese plate?" Nat raised her eyebrows in question.

He rolled his eyes as he clarified, "It was one muffin, one time. From a nice lady at the bank. Don't be a hater, Sam," he winked at Nat, "Even if she did bring me a coffee too."

Sam glanced at his watch, "So, how about we meet you two outside that gift shop by the front gates in a couple hours?"

"Wait, you were serious?" Spike looked at Nat as if to say "Did you think he was serious?"

"Yep," Sam threw his arm across Jules' shoulders, "It's time for me to spend some time with my girls, and I am sure you have some bizarre factoid about the Lithuanian fruit bat that you are dying to share and my sister is dying to hear."

"Well, first of all - there's no such thing as a ..." Spike started to protest.

"Come on, Honey," Natalie took his hand and tugged, "How about you come tell me everything you know about the new baby gorilla," she led him away in the direction of the African Rainforest Pavilion.

Sam, his arm still around Jules, pulled her in for a hug. "Alone at last," he buried his nose in her neck and sighed heavily.

"Sam if you're tired we don't_ have_ to go anywhere. JJ is down for the count and it doesn't make any difference to me – if you'd rather just kick back here until it's time to go, that would be fine."

"No way. I'm looking forward to this part. "

"The polar bears?" she grinned.

"Polar bears. My wife. My baby. The lack of Nit and Twit. It's all good now." He smiled as he bent over slowly to pick up the blanket.

"I threw some Advil in the diaper bag before we left if you need it," she informed him as she grabbed the opposite corners to help fold it.

"You had Advil this whole time and you waited until after my headache left for the gorilla habitat to tell me? What were you thinking?"

Jules laughed, "My bad. I was thinking about your sore back not your head, you goof."

"I'll be fine once we get moving again. I shouldn't have laid down."

"What you shouldn't have done is carried JJ around in the Baby Bjorn all day."

"Pfft. She weighs less than half of what our gear weighs."

"Yes, but _she _is not evenly distributed, there's a difference."

"Whatever. Small price to pay to keep JJ out of my sister's clutches. Besides, I didn't feel like sharing my baby today," he admitted sheepishly.

"I figured." She stretched up to give him a quick kiss. "Shall we then?"

"Tundra Trek here we come," he put one hand on the stroller and offered his other to Jules.

Two hours later Jules was waiting in the designated spot when Natalie and Spike approached, hand in hand, looking much happier together than they had that morning. Spike peeked in the stroller to find it empty. "Did a dingo take your baby?"

"That's not funny anymore Spike," she rolled her eyes.

"It's still funny to _me_," he replied, brown eyes twinkling with mischief, "and hey, we're at the zoo – it could totally happen here."

"She woke up a little fussy so Sam took her in there to distract her," she nodded toward the gift shop.

"Speak of the devil, here he comes now," Natalie smiled as Sam materialized in the doorway, JJ in one arm and colorful zoo bag in the other.

"C'mon Froggie, let's show mommy what you picked out. Hey guys," he acknowledge Spike and Nat.

"Sam, please tell me that whatever is in that bag is not covered in tree frogs?" his wife demanded jokingly.

"I prefer the phrase 'awesomely decorated with' actually," he grinned as he pulled it out of the bag.

Natalie took the navy blue sleeper 'awesomely decorated' with all manner of colourful tree frogs and held it up for everyone to get a good look. "It is really cute, Jules."

"You know you love it," Sam cajoled. And because she was happy to see the twinkle back in those blue eyes that she loved so much, she admitted that she did.

Feeling magnanimous after winning that battle, Sam finally gave into the pleading look on his sister's face and handed over his baby for the first time that day.

"Thanks Sammy," she kissed him on the cheek as she took her from him and then did the same to the baby, "Hello, Miss JJ. Come tell Auntie about your adventures this afternoon."

"That'll be a short story," Sam mumbled to Jules, "she slept all afternoon."

"Yeah, because that's why. Not because she doesn't have any words yet, but because she was sleeping," she shook her head at him, "Come on, let's go home." They all made their way to the parking lot.

Back at the Braddock residence, they piled out of the car into the driveway, "You guys want to come in for some dinner?" Jules asked lugging the baby carrier toward the door.

Natalie exchanged a heated, promising look with Spike as he answered for both of them, "Thanks but, uh, I think we're just going to, uh, head home."

Nat walked around the back of the vehicle where Sam was unloading and threw her arms around him, speaking low in his ear, "Thanks Sammy."

"Yeah, yeah. How about you thank me by not looking at each other like that in my presence," he smiled, but truth be told he was only half joking.

"Like what?" she asked grinning.

"Don't play dumb, Nat. You know exactly what I'm talking about." He kissed her on the cheek before giving her a brotherly shove. "Now get out of here."

"Love you." she called back over her shoulder.

"You too," he replied as he reached up to pull the hatch down.

A bit later, after they had made short work of the leftover chili, Sam was lying on his back on the couch, with his head on the armrest and JJ sitting on his stomach, clad in her brand new sleeper. She wasn't quite strong enough to sit up by herself yet so she had a death grip on his thumbs as he chatted with her about their day at the zoo. "Oh here's mommy," he said as he scooted over toward the outside of the couch so Jules could stretch out alongside him, tucked on her side between him and the back of the couch.

"Is this okay," she asked as he adjusted, letting go of one of JJ's hands so he could put his arm around her and make a spot for her to snuggle into.

"It's perfect. Good thing the couch is deep and mommy is tiny."

Jules offered her finger to JJ, who grabbed hold and giggled. "So, you two started the debriefing without me, have you come to any conclusions?"

"Well, my favourite was, of course, the polar bears but she slept right through them so she declined to weigh in. She did however have very strong feelings about the lemurs and the giant pandas," JJ squealed at that moment as if to prove his point and they both cracked up.

"Did you like the pandas baby girl?" Jules asked her, "Were they your favourite?" JJ kicked her little feet. "Like father, like daughter – you both love the bears I guess. What else?"

"We have agreed to disagree about the alligators."

"Let me guess – you're yay, she's nay?" she looked up at him, smiling.

He nodded, "I think they're kind of cool, she thinks they are, frankly, a little overrated."

"Daddy is silly, isn't he?" Jules waved her little hand for her.

"And Uncle Spike and his need to over share have ruined the sloths for both of us."

"But you love the sloths, they're so cute."

"Loved. Past tense. I just can't completely trust anything that only poops once a week."

"Really?" Jules screwed up her face, "That's just gross, but what has trust got to do with it?"

"Well, they're bound to be cranky and unpredictable. I'm not going to lie – I am a little afraid to turn my back on them now."

"Unpredictable? Really?" she scoffed, "They have the reflexes of a 95 year old woman, Sam. I think you could see the takedown coming – for like a week."

"It's just wrong, that's all I'm saying. Can we continue?"

"By all means."

"Well, obviously we both have a particular fondness for the tree frogs although I like the green ones best and she prefers the red. Or course that might just be because she couldn't see the green ones because they were all blendy with the trees."

"Possibly, while the camouflage appeals to the soldier in you."

"Exactly. Now, I gotta say - we were both very surprised to learn that my badass wife is afraid of spiders," he smirked at her.

"Don't say 'badass' in front of the baby, Sam."

"Don't change the subject in front of the baby, Jules," he matched her cheeky tone.

"First don't be ridiculous. I am _not _afraid of spiders. I kill them around here all the time without calling for my man to come to my rescue." In fact, she had been known to mercilessly mock girls who did do that.

"Grabbed your man's arm pretty hard today I couldn't help but notice. Not that I'm complaining…"

"I admit, I was a little _unnerved _by that one spider."

"Ornamental Tree spider. Doesn't sound scary. Sounds fancy, festive even."

"Oh shut up! It was the size of JJ's head," she giggled, "At least I wasn't scared of a lizard."

"It had two heads, Jules."

"It didn't actually have two heads."

"Well it had a head at one end and a butt that looked like his head at the other end. I'll take things that are wrong for five hundred please Alex."

"It's a self defense mechanism. It's so his predators don't know which way he will flee."

"Yeah okay, Spike."

"Speaking of, those two seemed to have worked it out. Whatever you said to Nat must've done the trick."

"Or whatever you said to Spike."

"Maybe both. I've said it before and I'll say it again. We make a great team."

"That we do Mrs. Braddock. That we do," he squeezed her shoulder.

"How're you doing?" she looked up at him, chin on his chest, "You good?"

"I'm in a better place than I was this morning," he answered honestly, "and that is good enough for now," he favoured her with a small sweet smile. "And I have the best wife ever. So, there's that."

"Not to mention the best baby ever," she deflected, as always uncomfortable with the compliment.

"Absolutely. I never did get to feed her today. Okay if I do bedtime?"

"Do you promise to put her in her crib when she is done and come to bed with me where you belong?"

"Can I hold her until she falls asleep?" he negotiated.

"Yes, but not until you do."

"Done. Did you hear that, Froggie? Don't let daddy fall asleep in the chair again!"


End file.
